2008: Predictions

Last year at this time, things were not looking good for Le Meg.

My Chinese horoscope told me that I "should not expect to have any achievement in 2007." And The Onion, not one to mince words, predicted that I would shoot myself.

On the bright side, the Chinese advised that I "would enjoy much satisfaction and happiness from 2008 onwards." I had only to wait twelve months.

True to their word, 2007 was indeed full of shit challenges.

I was mugged. I had a two month-long root canal. My widowed landlord went a bit nuts and threatened that her "husband the Préfet" would be coming for me. My carte de sejour was not renewed and I was instructed to return to the U.S. And while I left in late '06, 2007 was the Year of the Divorce.

With decidedly wobbly knees, I consulted those same stars again today. It was no small relief to read that the naysayers are now singing a different tune:

Love: "You are blessed by Hong Luan, the most powerful star of positive relationships. With this star shining on you this year, your romantic future looks all set to flourish and bloom."

Work: "Are you a freelancing Rabbit or do you own your own business? If so, there’s good news for you. You may have to work hard but the rewards you reap will be phenomenal."

Paranoia: When choosing friends and business partners try and determine whether that person loves you or hates you."

Even The Onion seems, in its own special way, to be rooting for me:

"Love awaits you where you least expect it in 2008—anatomically speaking, that is."

And a french version tells me that "the stars support me in taking professional risks, but that I can expect to suffer from headaches."

Taking these three together, it's clear that The Year of the Rat will be good for me. I should be ready for love, success, and perhaps aural penetration. But not by anyone who hates me.

Bonne année!