Thursday, January 04, 2007

F the Pig

On December 31st, while ambling up the rue des Martyrs, I came across this little wagonful of pig.

Some children were gathered 'round, flanked of course by watchful parents.

I dove right in to feel the pig's short black bristles and smooth pink nose. This, to the dismay of those waiting for permission to touch.

Imagined conversation:

"Maman! Why does the giant lady get to do it?"

"Just look at her, Ludivine. She's wearing sweatpants. I think that answers your question."
(I was coming home from the gym...)

My pig-stroking made a challenge of the lebanese flatbread I later bought. It would have been terribly inconvenient, so few hours before New Year's Eve, to contract some sort of mouth disease. But I managed, while nudging through the frenzied fish shop spillover, to keep a napkin over my fingers at all times.

This neighborhood is perfect, I thought to myself, as I crested the butte near my home. Not only do I get to look at this during my morning walk, but there's a pig in the street for no reason.

It only dawned on me today that it might have something to do with astrology. 2006, remember, was the Year of the Dog.

(You didn't know?)

And 2007, which technically doesn't begin until February 18, is the Year of the Pig.

Because my knowledge of Chinese Astrology is limited to whatever was printed on the placemat of my hometown "oriental" restaurant, I turned to Google this morning to find out what it all means.

And what it means, according to this site, is that I'm
screwed.

Some remarks about my coming year:

"It is actually a year of transition for the Rabbits"
...Hey - they're right on!

"They have chances to handle major issues or tasks"
...That's right. Watch me go.

"But Rabbits should not expect to have any achievement this year."
...Um, what?

"Otherwise, you are just going to be hugely disappointed at last."
...

"Because of your energy this year, you would fail to find support and assistance from others."
...This is a joke?

and finally...

"You would enjoy much satisfaction and happiness from 2008 onwards."
_________________________

After a full minute of staring with my jaw dropped, I went back to the search screen. And I Googled and Googled until I came up with something more to my liking:

"This is a good year for those who are born in the year of the Rabbit."
...Damn straight.

"There are signs of promotion and you will be given the power to be a leader in your career."
...I knew it!

"Do not push your luck by trying to reap profits through illegal means."
...But you just said...

"Put a scepter to your right on your office table. Place a lepidolite near you."
...
_________________________

To round things out and add a little occident to the mix, I paid a visit to the only horoscope that really matters.

And here is The Onion's prediction for Pisces in 2007:

"The New Year will start out with a bang for you. Unfortunately, it will also end with a bang for you."


I think I'm finished with astrology.

7 comments:

anna said...

dang that's harsh.
shit's not true NEway.

Edvard Moonke said...

Yes, I think a lot depends on which astrologer you read. Me, being a Chinese Pig, thought smugly that maybe it's not a great year for Rabbits but surely I'll get a good deal? No such luck, I'm afraid. Apparently it's a year for 'personal injuries and surgical operations'! What?

blueVicar said...

Oddly, I saw a pig in one of those little pet-for-sale-wagons the other day here in Antibes. I couldn't believe it at the time. I didn't think to associate it with horoscopes...fortunately.

Just turn around three times, wave your hands over your head, and then stomp your right foot. This is a sure-fire remedy to counteract all bad fortunes that you might read.

Meilleurs voeux!!

amy said...

Watch out for those Chinese horoscopes -- I got a terrible one a couple of years ago and I think it may have thrown off my whole year. Self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will.

Western and Indian astrology tends to be much more upbeat, in my experience.

Novel Nymph said...

I never even thought of how I could just Google until I founds horoscopes I like--thank you for that tidbit!

Anonymous said...

The Onion's predictions tend to carry a bit more weight, despite their horrendous tone... hope all is well. - Vincent Truman, Friend of The Tina

Doug (from Jura, France) said...

Astrologists are like Economists. If you don't like what one of them says, it is easy to find a douzen that say something different.

As long as the "bang" isn't an "explosion", you should be safe.