Saturday, May 12, 2007

Why You Are Here

"What's your blog about?" is a question that I usually avoid by not mentioning the existence of this website.

To be honest, I haven't known how to answer it. "It's about Paris" sounds plain. "It's about me" sounds vain. So recently I have turned to Sitemeter for a more detailed analysis of my content.

Sitemeter, alternately known among bloggers as "Psychometer," is a program that allows me to track the number and location of my visitors. And to see the search terms that have brought you to this site.

It turns out that visitors, despite my best efforts, are not coming here to see pictures of dogs on bikes.

What you want, and what I have given you, is the following:

1) Transvestites. French visitors searching for ladyboys make up the vast majority of my Google hits. Bienvenue! Your average visit length, upon discovering a post about shoes, is a disappointing 0.4 seconds.

2) Naked Snorkeling. Here come the southerners! A large number of you have arrived to see me swimming in my nuddie pants. Could someone please explain why you all hail from Mississippi?

3) Naked Opera. I had not realized that this was a fetish. But it is, and almost exclusively among the British. Llaaaahhh!! La lalala alalaa!

4) Vagina Party. Call me cocky, but I really thought I invented this concept. I see now from the search terms that there is a whole community waiting to welcome me. Does anyone else find this a wee bit frightening?

In sum, this exercise has reinforced my belief that the best way to build traffic, apart from landing a spot on Petite's blogroll, is to sprinkle my text with perversion.

And now I finally have a response - four of them - when someone asks about my blog. Whether or not this represents an improvement over previous descriptions is a "research question" for the next big social gathering...

13 comments:

sognatrice said...

With all that nakedness, it's gotta be good!

Adrian said...

I personally found it with some vagina related google..

Anonymous said...

=== You have very beautiful eyes. ===

Edvard Moonke said...

I've always wanted to say it, but never did, and now anonymous has beaten me to it...

yes, it seems that people use google search exclusively for finding smut. most visitors arrive on my blog after searching for 'hayley atwell' (hayley atwell naked is a favourite) and 'chavs', and now you will get them too! thank god us perverts now have a useful tool for our empty lives.

The Bold Soul said...

Isn't it bizarre, the keywords that land people on one's blog? I find it a bit discomfiting that there are so many people looking for "breast guillotines" and then ending up on my blog.

le Meg said...

Moonke, you're such a flirt. But you and anonymous don't understand is that I've heavily photoshopped those eyes. They're normally red from all the hours spent staring at my Sitemeter. What are chavs?

And Adrian, congratulations on *finally* leaving a comment that's benign enough for me to publish.

Edvard Moonke said...

bloodshot eyes... lovely!

instead of describing what a chav is, I will let you read it on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav

Lizzy said...

Personally I'm a huge fan of the dogs on bikes... Although what would come up on Google if I typed that in I shudder to think.

Jules said...

I came for the pie...

David Weman said...

Psst.

sgazzetti said...

It's truly frightening what the Sitemeter can dredge up. I've sort of stopped consulting it, because in many cases I find that I don't want to know. Either that or the Google Fu of the searchers is so pathetic that it depresses me and causes me to want to drink bleach.

Clicked through from A Fistful Of Euros, and will be back!

johnieb said...

Most fetching: where are the restaurant posts; something about lobster and monkfish?

Minter said...

Enjoy your pazzazz. Fun tone. And well done on the award!