Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Blogging hands are the devil’s playthings

Father, it’s been three months and 21 posts since my last confession. Things have only gotten worse with more time spent in the blogosphere.

I’ve become greedy, desiring nothing more than visits and comments. I ignore the realm of the spiritual in favor of the material virtual. Site traffic is now an end in itself.

I am envious of more popular bloggers, coveting their traffic and leaving breadcrumb comments for their visitors.

I erupt with anger when accused that I may perhaps be blogging too much. Impatience and self-denial are my new fall accessories.

Evidence of sloth can be found in my kitchen sink or in-box. I am apathetic, short of attention, and fall quickly into sadness if my stats are down.

I am a full-blown glutton for praise. So acute is my need for flattery that I offer it falsely to other bloggers. Comments are the new crack cocaine.

Pride may be my worst sin, Father. I am love with the word, but not His. On a given day I may post, edit, and re-read my work twenty times. I deceive myself into thinking that I have an “audience” and expect at any moment to be recognized on the street.

The only sin I seem not to have violated is lust. The blood flow to my nether-regions has been compromised from so many hours at the computer. I hardly think about sex anymore, but do enjoy blogging in bed from time to time.

How much worse could it get?

26 comments:

Lady K said...

You are such a nut. And I totally understand.

I'm afraid you are just going to have to keep blogging/sinning though as you are part of my tenuous grip on my Parisian summer. Because it's not about you, it's about me. Blog readers are selfish that way... :)

Robyn said...

As for how much worse it could get, well...I can go days without blogging, but I need the Internet for other things. I'm scared because I may be going on a vacation without any Internet access and...dude, thet's not a vacation, that's purgatory.

Also, please GET BLOOD TO THOSE NETHER REGIONS!

amy said...

Ha, I blog from bed as well. Yay wifi!

I just checked in to feed your addiction... or am I feeding my own? Maybe this is just a "bread crumb" comment, as you say. ;)

Tin Foiled said...

Meh, you only need enough "real life" so you have something good to blog about. You seem to be doing fine!

I haven't been doing my part -- I've been on vacation without Internet (you get used to it, I promise). But now that I'm back, I will dispense ego-inflating compliments and comments with nutty abandon!

Starman said...

This is one of the funniest (and truest) entries I have seen on the net in recent times.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

So does this mean you will redeem yourself and delete your blog?

le Meg said...

Anonymous (or shall I call you Dante?): I will not redeem myself. And when I die, my particular punishment in the sixth circle will be to sit before my Site Meter for eternity, watching my statistics slipping ever-lower.

Alice said...

I'm not a blogger (yet?... feel like I'd be showing up much too late in the game) so I guess I couldn't even really put in my 2 cents, but still, I'm a reader, and I enjoy a good blog.

I think you're doing just fine -- and you're one of the funniest out there, so don't worry! You keep me coming back, and that's what counts, right?! I think your stuff is getting even more hilarious... ;)

I wish I had your gift for snappy wit and repartee!

d.w. said...

I have been slow to get into the life of blogging as I have heard and read, it becomes addictive. With all the other things I like to do this may be one of the better things. I have given up cable which was hard but I enjoy the internet more.

Dave

rion said...

So right on. I'm guilty of leaving breadcrumb comments, too. Look! I'm doing it now!

Huguenot said...

I made the mistake of buying a sitemeter account which has a map of the world on it and little x marks where IP addresses had been logged. If ever the daily count was below a certain number, I would panic and leave thousands of comments strewn around the internet.

Does the addiction get easier? I console myself by reasoning that my hitmeter will have to eventually even out when my readership increases. This would of course vastly improve my mental health so for the time being I'm soldiering on with my slightly unhinged breadcrumbs.

Feral Mom said...

Welcome to our collective. And if you want to add lust to your list of deadly (blogging) sins, just close your eyes and think of the Sheriff. That sound you hear? It's...well, you know what it is.

small words of art said...

just started blogging...I will be aware of the side effects !!!

angel of god said...

Ah, Megan, God wants ye te know he's heard yer confessions. Fer yer penance ye'll need to say ten Hail Marys. That's the easy part. Then ye'll need to masturbate while listening to "My Humps," bein' sure not te stop 'til ye bring yerself off.

Bless ye, young Megan.

Anonymous said...

Look, I'd leave a comment for you but I can't spare the time. I've got to get back to my blog and check the site meter. Small consolation: I've clicked your blog twice and drove up your site meter. So there...

Jules said...

I love your blog! ::blinkblink::

MsLittlePea said...

Love your blog! I can totally relate. I purposefully don't send out group "what's up?" emails anymore just so I can tell my friedns and extended family when they ask how I've been, "Well if you've been reading my BLOG you would know, now wouldn't you?!" I don't have a site meter yet though....soon though, soon(insert evil laughter)

Joe el Misterioso said...

Blogging from bed..?

I've never tried that one myself...

Guess I need a portable thingie.

=:^)

gary said...

it's like, axiomatic, that if you were more invested in lust blogging your metrics would likely improve.

I'm sorry, but it's true.

blueVicar said...

I'm emailing this to my spouse...with two bloggers in the family I need not say more...

Meilleurs vœux!

ktismatics said...

It's clearly all those other bastards' fault for not showing up. Don't you really believe that everyone in the world should read this post?

Petfroggy said...

Don't worry Meg, internet can be evil at times, blogging is way to get reconnaissance from others, Freud could say that needing to be famous comes from peoples that deseperatly needing love, especially when their fantasms are openly released, Freud think that peoples who want to look after their fantasms in acting it is useless, you look after yours fantasmas in imagining others fantasmas, not in acting them!

puff, my english seems rusty this days!

Good luck Meg!

Hollywoodgal said...

I found you via Le Clandestin a while ago and it was your August 27 post that lead me to install sitemeter on both my blogs and well.... the rest is history. Now I know only too well how you feel. I was an innocent before then!!

le Meg said...

Note: Having just seen the film "Shortbus," I am experiencing something of a comeback in the lust department. God bless John Cameron Mitchell and his Star Spangled Banner!

Lindsea said...

oh my god you are the best blogger ever. I read your blog all the time and I think it's so well done. and you are also very smart and all of that.


ummm ok. I hope that made you feel better. I hope I fed your need for flattery cause we all know what it's like to go through those withdrawels.

Linda said...

I totally understand. There is something addicting about the whole thing-both reading and writing and comments become a most desired thing. I'd love to get 50 to 100 comments a day-can you imagine?