Sunday, August 27, 2006

Applause, please

I learned today while troweling the depths of Site Meter that I was selected as one of Expatica’s “Favorite France Blogs.” It just goes to show that blowing off work really does pay off.

In the spirit of “giving back,” I offer the following advice, gleaned over the course of seventeen posts, to young writers struggling to incorporate blogging into a well-rounded life:

#1: DO install and use a Site Meter. This will allow you to monitor site traffic and divine whether former boyfriends are reading your blog.

#2: DO pepper your text with sexual innuendo, especially when discussing local produce. This will yield a 50% increase in visitors who are key word searching for porn.

#3: DO NOT guilt-trip friends for not reading your blog. Track their behavior and punish them later.

#4: DO cease all external communication. Direct friends and family to the comments section of your blog.

#5: DO mistake traffic for accomplishment and link-adds for friendship. This will help to sustain the overblown ego required for your task.

#6: DO NOT listen when your techie friend tells you that 50% of visitors are in fact machines.

#7: DO spend all your money doing “cool” and “interesting” things that can be written about.

#8: DO delight your friends by constantly taking photos and using “blog” as a verb.

#9: DO NOT instruct your husband every midnight to “guess how many visits I had today!”

#10: DO get back to work, you f*!#ing slacker.

5 comments:

Jennifer said...

Great blogging rules! :)

JennC said...

Nice recommendations!

Anonymous said...

It's okay to wave sitemeter in husband's face right before and after sex, or during.

Tin Foiled said...

Here I am, SiteTracker -- track me!

Thivai Abhor said...

I would like to extend an invitation to you to join in on a collective blogging section of our upcoming winter issue of Reconstruction

Here is the original call:

Theories/Practices of Blogging

Our intent in this section of the issue will be to collect a wide range of bloggers and link up to their statements in regards to why they blog (something many of us are asked) and any statement they have on the theories/practices of blogging.

If you already have a post on this you can feel free to use it, or, if you are interested, you can submit a new one.

We will link to each statement from the issue at our site, with the intent of creating a hyperlinked list of statements on blogging that can serve as an introduction to blogging (or an expansion of knowledge for those already blogging).

If you are interested please contact me at mdbento @ gmail.com