This morning a young woman sat down next to me on the Métro, an SMS already in progress.
The furious tapping of her manicured nails prompted me to look up periodically from the pages of my book, in which a conceptual fish was stalking our already-dead (or not?) hero.
"You will miss me when I'm gone..." began her text. I hated myself a little bit for reading over her shoulder.
"...but I understand your reasons,"
[deleted, then...]
"...and you're an asshole,"
[deleted, then...]
"...and you should call me when you change your mind..."
[deleted]
There were ten or so of these.
And during the seventh one (approximately) she farted.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
You Will Miss Me When I'm Gone
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13 comments:
How appropriate! If only text messages came with smell-o-vision...
I suspect he wont miss her when she's gone.
if you don't win all the blog awards bc of this entry, something is seriously wrong with the world. Hilarious!!!!
Forget the farting. Put on your headphones : When I Am Gone
Don't thank me.
It was only a code! she was deseperately trying to tell you: A fart is coming, leave Meg, leave.
Take her deleted items, keep the words put it in the good way...
She was then saying "I don't urderstand the reasons... why you don't change your mind... you won't miss me when I'm gone... and I don't understand your reasons to stay... cause take care to my asshole"... and she exploded.
Take care next time Meg!Read between the lines.
Reminds me of a Richard Brautigan poem. Great blog!
ah le meg, I would love to swap some romantic text messages with you...
but please, no farting.
In Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome, in the first chapter, the author tells us about the advantages of traveling with stinky cheese in order to keep people away from him and therefore get several seats for himself.
This was just the second class Métro variation.
Flatulence killed the cat.
I am your newest and biggest fan, I've been waiting for your next post.....
and I just busted up laughing at the gassy ending!
My question is what did you do? Pretend she didn't just let one rip????
Speaking of texting, what's up with men asking girls out via text message?!? It's so bizzare...
Well hello, PPIEW, and welcome to the trainwreck. Of COURSE I pretended that nothing had happened. By drawing attention to the silent and deadly think that had passed between us, I would have:
a) implicated myself (following the playground clause, circa 1984, of "whoever smelt it dealt it)
-and-
b) possibly drawn attention to thte fact that I was READING OVER HER SHOULDER. And she wasn't finished yet!
I should note, also, that this was an Incredibly Beautiful French Woman. And I - for just one very brief moment, had a display screen into her soul. Among other things...
Lol !
Was it she who farted, or you?
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