Thursday, April 26, 2007

La crème de la crème

Ahh... french women.

I'm a little bit obsessed with them. We share the same sidewalks but seem to occupy two different planets. I feel foreign around them, like a cross-dresser in their midst.

And yet I find myself slowly migrating and starting to mimic their strange behavior. Just look at what I did to my face!

It occurred to me today that I could cream myself french - that culture may be a simple matter of conditioning.

This was following a conversation with some male victims on Gmail chat about the words that they use to for les françaises.

"Douceur" was the first response and an obvious effect of creaming.

The second description was "complicated," and can also be attributed to beauty products. To simplify the theory (Descartes, I believe it was) about local ladyplexity and the differentiation of creams: if the pharmacy in a given culture is selling two seperate creams for knee and thigh skin, than the women in said culture will be crazy.

The third adjective, "elusive," is also related to the regimen. A stong commitment to hair removal leaves little time to return phone calls. Is Delphine being coy... keeping you quivering with anticipation? Or did she just not have time to shave her legs?

The final word, "passionate," was used multiple times, and I gotta give the girls credit on this one. French women are without a doubt more sensual than their American counterparts.

Some say our prudishness is the by-product of Protestantism. But I think it's all about lubrication. Sensuality must increase with the number of hours spent self-lotioning. All that rubbing is bound to make a girl think about sex.

I pressed the same boys to give me some additional words for Americans. I heard "franche," "bold," "assertive," "confident," "strong," "busy," and "delurée."

At least half of those adjectives are directly related to alcohol. And french girls, after their 70 breast cream, can rarely afford more than one drink. Americans may have an edge in the "strong" and "witty" department, but it would be wrong to say that French women aren't busy. The work of beautification is invisible to men, but the breasts, rest assured, are not lifting themselves.

"A few kilos, at least" is how Nabékor summed up our cultural differences. But this, too, I'm happy to report, has a cream-based solution.


Timorous Beastie said...

But you have nice shoulders.

LPC said...

Miss Blagueur,

Your last post is a mystery to me.

I always thought that American women were at least as attractive or even more attractive than French women. Now, of course, I don’t know all French women, so I’ll concentrate on those I know best : the Spoiled Little Brat from the Left Bank (SLBFLB).

There are at least two reasons why I find American women attractive compared to the SLBFLB.

First, American women are more independent while the average SLBFLB has most of the time a fake job and counts on hubby (who’s a barrister or a haut fonctionnaire) to bring the money home to her. And then, of course, hubby can’t spend the money on whiskey.

Second, American women have more sexual experience (compared to the average SLBFLB). I think this is an interesting subject. As you wrote in your post, the behaviour of American women is somehow linked to Puritanism : I mean, why is there so much sex in American campuses (I’ve seen Yale and it was a true baisodrome….) because, I think, it’s a reaction to this puritan past.

In France this is a completely different story…. In all the books of Maupassant and Balzac or even in older books from the XVIIth century you see that courtisanes, as soon as they go to bed, are burned. So, they need to delay that instant. That’s what the average SLBFLB still do nowadays….

The courtship is one of the most boring French institution.

I mean, sex is good, so why should we wait ? Then, logically, if you spend all your time in courtship, you don’t have sex and it’s boring.

My conclusion is : American women should be proud of themselves. American women in Paris should be proud of themselves as well. There is no reason why they should try to look like the average SLBFLB.

As Ségolène said in Charletty : “Aimons nous les uns les autres…. ”

maitresse said...

come now, chérie, I know plenty of american girls who are très douce and plenty of françaises qui ne le sont pas!

La said...

I need to start taking better care of my skin...

Anonymous said...

americans tooting americans, how original.

le Meg said...

Mmmmmmm.... toot me.

rhino75 said...

I was rather hoping that last cream-based solution was going to be a chocolate éclair, ymmmm.

Miss Despina said...

Can I add an English girl's perspective?

I'd rather go out and have fun than stay in for depillatory purposes. Men who want real women are far more worth bothering with than men who want... how did LPC put it? oh yes, the SLBFLBs...

So go le Meg! And go LPC! Hooray.

Despina x

Edvard Moonke said...

lol what a cutie you are, le meg. x

Donta said...

Excellent post they are a mystery to me, but apparently I am not very 'feminine' compared with French woman (that was one Frenchmans opinion)

Misplaced said...

I have no opinion on the other comments- except to agree that you have nice shoulders.

BUT I am digging that blue tile in your bathroom- excellent!

(what does Americans "tooting" Americans mean?)